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no more fing journal [15 Jul 2005|10:34pm]
ok im totally done with my lj...no one reads it or updates much anymore so im done..xanga is alot better.

if you want to know anything go to my xanga or myspace..

i might use this later but i doubt it.
farewell to all my great memories with this dumb thing...sad ones too

lj is so depressing and boring..im done with that stuff and part of me so farewell all..and fuck u

OMFG! [28 Jun 2005|04:13pm]
[ mood | blah ]

so last night SUCKED!

never again..not like that

shes crying all night and sick and im just sick.
my ear bled once i ran into the wall
she fell in the shower
i had nothing on..it was just a huge mess

hope you feel better mindy..haha

ugh kill me..im dumb and that was the dumbest thing ive done. im payin for it right now..:-/

1 star hearts

story [31 May 2005|11:42am]
[ mood | blah ]

ok so i was at merys house on sat and her boyfriend and friend were there and so were a bunch of family members..

me and her always wrestle..its just our thing to do,haha

so early that night we were fighting over whos butt is bigger(this part will make more sense at the end)
so i said somthing and then go to fall into the couch on my side as mery is running at me and hits my shoulder with her hip (slash) fat ass!and my oppoisite shoulder went into the couch n my left one,the one she hit snapped.
im sitting there screaming "fuck" HAHA infront of her whole family.they couldnt move me so they called the ambulance,n im a wuss so im crying more cause i dont know how bad it is.so i have to finally get up.like 5 people had to help me and i walk down the stairs n were on our way.the ride is so bumpy its moving my shoulder and im screaming in pain,merys mom came with me and her aunt and uncle followed us.we got there and i had to move like ten times,of course crying the whole time.my dad finally came and they bought me a soda..just what i needed!
so i go back and i got a x-ray..it was snapped.i had to take my sweater off to put my sling on which took forever cause i was in so much pain.
haha merys mom had to take me to the bathrooms,embarrassing?..i think so !

got home bout 2 a.m. and couldnt sleep.nothing is on my bone.im just in a sling.so it cracks and hurts like shit if i move the wrong way..
no permit
school is going to suck
no soccer
florida can work but bad tan lines
no pallotti summer soccer..

this sucks:(

on the bright side my neighbor bought me a $110 dollar ralph lauren baiding suit yesterday for florida...omg talk bout awesome


[29 May 2005|11:13pm]
[ mood | sick ]


no soccer!
florida will be interesting..no swimming
im left handed and its my left arm..finals are this week.oh joy!
i cant do ANYTHING for myself..had to have my dad wash my hair today..

mery its totally fine..i know you didnt mean to break my bone with your ass!

call or im for details..kind of difficult to type it..


3 stars hearts

hm been along time [23 May 2005|07:13pm]
[ mood | blah ]

weekend sucked.

babysat my old lady on thursday

babysat three little boys on friday
*they got a fishing pole stuck in the ceiling fan
*cut their own hair

babysat my old lady sat night..made 150 bucks this weekend.oh yeah! too bad its going toward flordia.

soccer was good.we won.like 4 to nothing,im not sure.

i seriously hate some of my friends somtimes.like they ugh..i dont know how to put it into words.more of them have been making me angry lately then making me smile..this is NOT how it is supposed to be. it sucks:-/

i saw a picture of him..and i dont care anymore?weird? maybe

mindys party was awesome.cant wait till friday.going to the washington zoo! how exciting


skipping [19 May 2005|07:19pm]
[ mood | cheerful ]

ok so tuesday i hung with erin.we found a dead baby bird on her drive way and buried it in the backyard.we made a cross out of sticks and string and gave it flowers..it will be greatly missed.
OH! that reminds me..on the way to HFStival on saturday merys mom ran over a squierl..when we turn around to look at it.it was shaking in the road.it was funny.i enjoyed it.

taylor took my skipping virginity.star bucks..books a million reading sex books and then spilling whipped cream on the floor..meeting us with sarah and her cousin in toys r us to:
*holla hoop(im so bad)
*ride tiny bikes(our knees got stuck under the handle bar)
*played with star wars toys
*turned on all the toys to play their songs at the same time
very good times!

then went to some random guys house in pasadena for a bit.came back to school and got a ride home with sadie,mandie and trace.

today went to dc.rode the bus then got stuck at the metro station forever cause were slow and couldnt use the machine.taylor me,courtney,ashley and alvin(sp?). went.we got to dc in this really shaddy area.haha taylor told me to hold my purse.to white girls stuck in the middle of the ghetto.bad times.some random guy gave us directions.we ALMOST got ran over.it took us like four hours to get where we were going and then they wouldnt take credit cards AND they wouldnt let taylor cash her check.so we ate and then tried to go home.they were blown
haha so the bus wasnt coming for like an hour so we were trying to take a cab but didnt know if we had enough money.so we were going to run.some random guy heard that and said hed share a cab with us.so its 4 people in the backseat,1 in the front and me laying across them in the back.the guy smelled so bad.and the girl ashley almost peed herself.

waited for a bit then went to get my last filling!

babysittnig old lady tonight..three boys tom..and my old lady saturday night.takes up my weekend but it gives me lots of money!

joanne-soccer game-sunday-mindy party=HOT SHIT! hope it comes through.it will be awesome.

oc on tonight! very excited..but sad its the season finale

3 stars hearts

[18 May 2005|08:21pm]

were too fucking hott!



us being hott again!

me,mindy,and her exchange student jenni

random hott(slash) ugly picture of me

taylor has to be in here because she is the first person to get me to skip ever..which was today

theres more but their..insane and embarrassing.should i show them?

2 stars hearts

weekend=good [16 May 2005|04:29pm]
[ mood | blah ]

man this weekend was..interesting

friday as soon as i got home mery and kaitlyn came over and we went to pallotti then up to panther to watch troys baseball game. meh we couldnt go out so we just..had our own fun at merys house. thats all im going to say about that. HAHA mery getting stuck between the bed and making random phone calls at like 2 in the morning..interesting.

saturay of course was..HFStival! we got there at like 10 and lost her brother as soon as we literally got out of the truck.so we had to find him before we could go in. and ah it wasnt real good but we found erin who freaking lead us into the middle of this mosh pit! haha good times.found krystal and luke too.mery went to crowd surf the first time and they dropped her.funny? i think so.unwritten law was INSANE.we were up front for that and it got to the point where i couldnt breathe and we were literally leaning on one side.so i had to crowd surf out.my first time but it was awesome.haha didnt find illiana.kind of blew me but meh its ok. we had to leave at 5!we missed so many good bands its insane.had to go to some birthday party that as soon as we got there we fell asleep and went home anyway.
haha then i wake up to merys boyfriend sitting on top of me hitting me and screaming wake up! haha he beat me up.haha funny kid. hung out with him a bit at merys saturday night.

sunday soccer game.we won 1-0! it was good times.man soccer is almost over..kind of which means im almost done playing soccer with jesi! ahh that sucks:-/.

i dont know what kind of mood im in..its a weird one.not a good one i know that.
this weekend was different from usual in many ways.im starting to like it again..not good:-/.

school is almost over which means no more laurel.pallotti hear i come.im so excited to go there.ah be with mery again.haha.summer is approaching.flordia? valerie? partying?..yes i think so!

thinking is never good for me..

2 stars hearts

suck on my joint [11 May 2005|08:08pm]
erins after school today.good times.fighting is what we love to do.riding bikes to the park is fun as well.i got to see my best friend who i havent seen in forever.i miss her.
she got grass rashes all over my arms and back..i think im allergic.i dont know.it really itches

man i realized i HATE my grandmas cleaning lady.i dont skip,never have.but i want to and everytime i try she has to come on that day.ugh she sucks.but i hope to find another way or person to skip tomarrow.

HFStival is saturday im so excited.ahh cant wait.going with mery will be awesome.good times ahead.

my grandma sucks.she is being gay about letting me get my permit or taking drivers ed or driving at all cause i cant pay for it.duh i cant get a job.shes so dumb.it will work out in the end but shes so lame.

this friend problem is driving me insane.why do i have to be the friend people come to?

so yeah ive been feeling alot better lately.which is good.i hope the end of school and flordia will just top it off. ah this summer seems like it will be super.lots of things planned and alot has been said.lets just see if it goes through or not.
2 stars hearts

freaking weekend [08 May 2005|07:55pm]
friday my friend came over and spent the whole weekend with me while her parents went to look for a house somewhere in VA..shes leaving:(

friday was cristins party..it was ok.then yeah erin you owe me mad.letting your boyfriend spent the night at my house.i was so scared and it took mad skill on my part to pull that off.

saturday was main street.it sucked so hard.after went to a hill billy cook out.haha oh man good times.

got nasty chinese food that made me fucking sick.ugh that sucked.we just ending up sleeping all night.

today was mothers day..eh not much fun for me at all.went to church then to mcdonalds.we went for a walk near the river for a bit then off to my game.we won 3-0.oh man he took me out! that was soo weird.we played bad but we won so hey..its kool. meh mothers day sucks for me.no one worth celebrating it with..

scared it wasnt done careful enough..ahh i havent got it yet..

i dont want to go back to school tomarrow..:-/
4 stars hearts

[05 May 2005|10:16pm]



btw these songs are my new favorites
I'm Already There
(Richie McDonald/Gary Baker/Frank Myers)

He called her on the road
From a lonely cold hotel room
Just to hear her say I love you one more time
And when he heard the sound
Of the kids laughing in the background
He had to wipe away a tear from his eye
A little voice came on the phone
And said "Daddy when you coming home"
He said the first thing that came to his mind

I'm already there
Take a look around
I'm the sunshine in your hair
I'm the shadow on the ground
I'm the whisper in the wind
I'm your imaginary friend
And I know I'm in your prayers
Oh I'm already there

She got back on the phone
Said I really miss you darling
Don't worry about the kids they'll be alright
Wish I was in your arms
Lying right there beside you
But I know that I'll be in your dreams tonight
And I'll gently kiss your lips
Touch you with my fingertips
So turn out the light and close your eyes

I'm already there
Don't make a sound
I'm the beat in your heart
I'm the moonlight shining down
I'm the whisper in the wind
And I'll be there until the end
Can you feel the love that we share
Oh I'm already there

We may be a thousand miles apart
But I'll be with you wherever you are

I'm already there
Take a look around
I'm the sunshine in your hair
I'm the shadow on the ground
I'm the whisper in the wind
And I'll be there until the end
Can you feel the love that we share
Oh I'm already there
Oh I'm already

Remember When
(Alan Jackson)

Remember when I was young and so were you
And time stood still and love was all we knew
You were the first, so was I
We made love and then you cried
Remember when
Remember when we vowed the vows and walked the walk
Gave our hearts, made the start, it was hard
We lived and learned, life threw curves
There was joy, there was hurt
Remember when

Remember when old ones died and new were born
And life was changed, disassembled, rearranged
We came together, fell apart
And broke each other's hearts
Remember when

Remember when the sound of little feet was the music
We danced to week to week
Brought back the love, we found trust
Vowed we'd never give up
Remember when

Remember when thirty something seemed old
Now lookin' back, it's just a steppin' stone
To where we are, where we've been
Said we'd do it all again
Remember when

Remember when we said when we turned gray
When the children grow up and move away
We won't be sad, we'll be glad
For all the life we've had
And we'll remember when

Remember when
Remember when

haha i love country..yeah i said it!


realization..killed [05 May 2005|07:34pm]
[ mood | drained ]

ok so yeah this week i was supposed to fix everything i realized last week..i got to a few things.nothing got finished,most didnt go my way..this week just overall SUCKED

erins coming over this weekend.from friday to sunday.awesome i hope.i need it.

this is what i want to happen with different people:
*talk to me/hang out with me please!
*be my friend again please!
*be my friend again and talk to my please!
*stop fighting my two good friend please!
*stop failing me please!
*stop getting on my nerves please!

if you think anything in here deals with you.do it!

ugh im so emo..oh well


3 stars hearts

ugh [03 May 2005|09:22pm]
[ mood | crappy ]

ugh suck it...

ive come to the conclusion that i can either:
A. run away from home from everyone
B.Do many drugs,drop out of school,and become a hooker
C.Join the circus
D.Eat a gallon of ice cream while in my pjs watching a days worth of chick flicks

you pick which one is the best.
(haha i know joanne will pick the last one)

i have the worse luck ever..:(

4 stars hearts

woah [02 May 2005|08:04pm]
[ mood | confused ]

thursday hung with david for a bit..scared a bit..?

friday didnt go get my birth certificate.but mindy came and got me with her mom and brother at like 5:30 and went went to arundel mills.i got two new belly button rings.we just shopped and ate.talked about flordia alot.im so fucking excited. then went back to her house to spend the night.wrestled for a long time.haha i love her.tried to watch a movie but just couldnt so we passed out. went home around 1 saturday morning.
saturday omg was insane.had to run to the store for food,then the party store and everything.no one was sure about the..yeah. but i got it all under control,cause im awesome like that. we went for a walk and went to drews and sams house.haha STALKERS!so then it started raining.running in the rain is so fun. a ambulance came behind us and honked.i thought it was a cop so i just ran as fast as i could home.haha.then we just sat outside on my porch and talked forever(and they threw chips at me).after my gma was asleep the party began.couldnt sneak out but it was ok.it was a very..interesting night.i loved it.got to see my two best friends and have a birthday party for one.it was awesome.
sunday i was so fucking tired and feeling like shit.haha double header.was at soccer from 2 to 10.literally 8 fucking hours.it sucked.we tied out first game (Which was against the first place team) and won our second game(against the second place team). mery almost got in a fight the first game and me the second.haha good times. went out to eat with amanda,mery,troy and merys mom between games.haha good times.
today went to softball game.it was so fing cold.

wow alan you def helped me realize a bunch of stuff when i talked to you last week.thanks.i hope its a yes and not a no.ill be crushed:-/.

why isnt this easy?

2 stars hearts

boo [27 Apr 2005|08:24pm]
[ mood | curious ]

long list of whats going down
*yesterday got three fucking fillings.ugh i had to sit there for TWO AND A HALF HOURS! i have somthing wrong with my teeth that i dont have enough floride so by the time my teeth grow in they have cavities.this sucks.
*this weekend is going to be the bomb.com! friday night getting birth certificate.then date with the one and only MINDY PEGGINS! off to columbia mall to shop/maybe see a movie..then sleeping over either mine or her house i guess.saturday morning HOPEFULLY going to get my permit.then off with mery and amanda and shopping for saturday night.
saturday afternoon courtney and amanda are coming over cause its amandas 16th birthday! so her courtney and mery are coming over and were going to have alot of fun. their sleeping over so that means no church! then sunday i have soccer from 2:30 to 10.my brothers game,then mine,then break then a game and then home...long ass weekend
* someone almost threw up on me today
*haha turning off and on the tvs in the lunch room with alexs romote was fun
*shes mad at me now for no reason,ugh what do i do?
*wow some people share way too much information..
*valerie is my hero
*there will be major hanging out next weekend with many people,cant wait!
*i can change my belly button ring!

..somtimes i have to wake up and realize this is all a dream..

wow im glad we talk and all..but his drama is so much worse than it ever was with me.haha im just shocked..

were finally ok after like a year of fighting.we came to realize we were both wrong.and now acting mad or tension is between us again?ugh can i ever do anything right?


2 stars hearts

almost leaked my pants [23 Apr 2005|08:05pm]
its been a rollar coaster ride.

thursday was funny,you owe me.
my parents came over for dinner cause one of my old neighbors is moving so we had dinner for them at my gmas house.i couldnt get up and get away from her.it sucked.then i had to write a 5 page paper and couldnt find any information on it.bad times.ugh..

friday school was ok.really didnt do anything. got home and was bored so i called mery and we went to the movies to see amityville horror.omg we were so fucking scared.we ran out of there.haha were such retards.going to johnny rockets and putting the food in my purse to eat in the movie theatre was good times.
i gaged my ears myself.didnt know it until they wouldnt go in cause they were too big and i shoved them through and i felt tremendous pain.


today started off awesome and went to shit.
woke up and walked the dog.couldnt go back to bed cause he was bugging me.(oh btw we finally named him inky.yeah its lame but meh its the only thing were agreed on). then got up and alan and his friend came and got me and we went to some creepy old hospital,glenndale hosptial. it was pretty but very creep.especially the teddy bear sitting on the bed and the hearing weird noises.i heard "stop" but meh didnt really care.it was good times i would like sometime to go explore the old house and the basement.its creepy but with alot of people i think it would be awesome.
then we went to wendys and that was fun.their funny.end of story.

got home and life went to shit.the guy didnt come through with what i wanted. and i dont think im getting the other thing i wanted cause she hasnt called me back so whatever.
plans got cancelled.ugh that kind of pulled the trigger of everything building up the last couple of days.so i didnt want to stay in the house i was too..ugh.and wanted to do things that havent been done in a year and a half. but the girl i cancelled plans with for him couldnt do it anymore and figures..no one could do anything. so here i am.babysitting my old lady.

no game tomarrow.that makes me really happy.im finally getting better a week off helps and makes it easier.
im really upset that i quit softball.like the more and more i think about it and see the girls wear their uniforms to school and hear them talk about it makes me upset that i quit.ugh im so stupid.

my hopes for this weekend were shot.maybe tomarrow will be fun?..we'll see.

kill me

good times [19 Apr 2005|09:34pm]
ok so today was a randomly good day.
so at lunch everyone was talking about who is going to be elected as a new pope. and patrick and daniel said they wanted a black pope or a hispanic pope.so we had a huge conversation about that and how it is very slim chance to come true.and BAM the pope was elected! a white old man,of course. so patrick yells out"kill the pope so our people have a second chance" haha good times.
ok so i quit softball as you all know.and they were playing roosevelt today.so mandie called me and said she was there and wanted me to come up. so i told david we were going and we met her and trace up there.instead of going to the feild it started raining so went to wendy's which was fun. laurel lost of course.. then me and david went for a walk.end of my beautiful day.
me and him are friends and talking.talking really well which is good.everyone says to not be his friend but i cant do that.i promised him and it doesnt hurt me.so im happy about it. it really makes things easier.
i hope the rest of the week is like today.it was good.got old friends back and no drama,getting better and having fun.

i love it
3 stars hearts

bad vs. good..who wins? [18 Apr 2005|06:50pm]
so yeah i have some good news..and some bad news
good news: went today with grandma to look at the dog i want and filled out a application.and as soon as we were done someone walked in wanting to look at the same dog.so i was kind of worried but the lady said its first come first serve.so i hope thats good.AND my grandma liked the dog and we talked about it so it looks promising.

bad news: i had to quit softball today..it sucks for me cause im so dedicated and i worked so hard for it.i never give up any sports.but i just had to.too sick to do it and soccer both.and in all fairness im better at soccer and love it more.so yeah that was kind of rough..:-/

good news:me and my grandma are gettig along alot better this week.which means less stress on me and just makes me happy.

bad news: since i havent done anything all week i gained 13 pounds when i went to the doctor..ahh! this cant go on

good news:babysitting right now so im getting paid

bad news: i have an upper respiratory infection which they gave me no medicine for..ugh im going to be sick until i die.

MORE bad news:we tied a game yesterday we could of won.we just slacked a bit i think and were all playing pretty bad.were a awesome team but we need to learn to play better and trust eachother.

i hope this week is a hell of alot better than its been lately.

manda was over friday night to sunday morning.sad movies were watched,drinking went down,starbucks was bought,bouncy balls were played with,lives were shared..i love this girl to death.

((please call me your own..))

p.s. anyone want to hang out this weekend? being home this weekend will not be fun.save me please.
7 stars hearts

again,ranting! [14 Apr 2005|09:24pm]
[ mood | blank ]

ok so i dont know what happened.she seemed to deal with my anger well up until now.she knows what im going threw better than anyone else and im grateful for what she does for me. but i dont know what im doing wrong and its killing me. there is stuff she has said that i ignore cause as i said,i know and appreciate all she does for me.but this week we have been at eachothers throats and i dont like it. she blamed me today for not letting her eat.and always looks like she is going to cry when she talks to me which makes me upset seeing a old woman sad.she turns things around to blame them on me.she is never happy with me all during the day.she wont accept that i wasnt born in the 1920's with her and that today things are different.she wont give it a chance and everything i do and what im about she hates.she turns her cheek at everything i do or say and i wish she would stand behind me on somthing besides my stupid mother.(who btw hasnt bothered me in a long time which makes me happy).but ugh its not kool fighting with her over nothing.i dont know what to do anymore to make her happy or please her,really i dont and i wish i did.i mean shes my fucking grandmother and she does alot for me.but this not accepting ME hurts me bad.im not changing for her..but i would atleast like to be able to live with her and not have her shake her head at every decision i make for myself.im not 2 years old,dont baby me and tell me who i am.cause obviously she doesnt know and isnt willing to find out..

ugh oh what to do about this woman.i cant deal with this shit AGAIN every day.i moved over there to get AWAY from it.now everywhere i turn im not good enough..

fuck you.

p.s. i thought the OC was awesome tonight..what about you?


rant [13 Apr 2005|07:08pm]
im going to get a few things off my chest...and go
first off dont mention anything if you not going to follow threw and tell me.i hate that.if you dont want me knowing that dont say anything.i worry somthings wrong and your not telling me.until i FINALLY find out its nothing..
NOTHING i ever do is good enough for her,or both of them should i say. she doesnt know what to do with me so she bitches until im pulling my hair out.everything i do is wrong and she will voice her opinion in public and doesnt care if its embarasses me. i cant go one day without her yelling or demanding somthing or putting me down for one reason or another.
phone bill was high.no more internet on my phone, i mean i have it but i wont use it like i did.anything to keep her from screaming.if you need to talk from now on text me or call me.its not that hard.
she hates me one second and the next day she calls crying.i dont know what to think of her cause im just a sensative person and i cant hate her no matter how much i try.ugh just leave me alone.i wish they both would but unfortunetly they wont.and it drives me insane.i dont know what to do about it anymore i try to do what they say and want to be nice but i just cant please them.
today my grandma wants to take me to wendys and KFC and i said i didnt want to i already had pancakes and stuff with my friend.so we get to a light and she shakes her head and says that i have horrible eating habits.and then she comes out and says" you eat carry out too much" and that was it.i dont like cusing at her cause shes old but that pissed me off to no end and pushed me off the edge.i asked her why she JUST offered to take me their if she thinks i eat it too much.is it just so she can yell at me cause i did nothing else wrong that day.ugh i just dont know what to do..:-/

dog---maybe i hope.only if the gma isnt ranting still
kitty for her--maybe

ahh shes out on sunday for a ball game so i got the house all to myself.no old people yelling.its like a mini vacation.i cant wait.

2 stars hearts

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